white shirts and a major mom moment

We were getting ready for church.

Things were hectic and crazy like they always are on Sunday mornings.

I happened to catch Sam out of the corner of my eye, concentrating so hard and working tirelessly to button his little white shirt. 

Suddenly time stopped and I wanted nothing else in the world except to sit there and just watch him.  

So I did.  I sat down on the floor and watched him.

I snapped a few pictures on my phone to remember the moment.  His little four year old body, his tan round belly sticking out, the buttons that didn't match up with the right holes...

Suddenly I saw him 15 or so years from now, buttoning a (much bigger) white shirt.

Buttoning his white shirt the day he leaves on his mission…

Buttoning his white shirt the day he gets married…

(And probably not having to work as hard to get it done)

I broke down.

Like...I broke. down.

Something came over me and I literally started crying.  I sat there on the floor in my dress and just watched him and cried.

After a couple of minutes he spotted me.  He smiled that famous shy, dimpled-grin of his where his huge brown eyes seem to somehow get even bigger.

He promptly walked right over to where I was sitting on the floor and gave me the biggest warmest and longest hug.

Of course that made me cry more.

(at this point I really wished I hadn't put on my makeup yet)

We finished hugging, he smiled at me again and went on his way, leaving me sitting on the floor alone.

I stood up, wiped my eyes, and went on my way too, wishing time would just slow down a little.

Sometimes being a mom is more than my meager little soul can handle.