#momfail

So basically I am just perfect at being a mom.

Wait….nooo….sorry I lied.

What I meant to say was I am soooo not perfect at being a mother, that I think sometimes even my own children look at me and wonder how the heck I even got this job.

So how about let's explore a few of my not-so-great mothering moments from recent weeks.

Hashtag Momfail!  Woot woot!

Here we go.

1.  That one time Sam came home from school and I went through his bag and did my usual "keep this, throw away that" routine.  Only I didn't hide the evidence very well (I'm usually so good at covering my tracks!) and when he lifted the trash lid to throw something away he saw his precious school paper in there and gasped.  Not just a normal gasp, but a my-mother-has-completely-betrayed-me kind of gasp.  It was sad.  Then came the meltdown.  Yep, the waterworks started and I felt horrible.

Seriously, though, do you honestly keep EVERYTHING your kids bring home from school??  And lets be real, I think it was like a half colored picture of a potato or something.  I promise I keep the good stuff.  But BOY was he upset.  Major bawling.  He looked at me like, "HOW could you possibly do this to me?  Don't you even care about me AT ALL????"  Mom guilt galore!!  I gotta remember to hide the evidence.  Hide the evidence, Marie.

2.  That one time I was reading my scriptures and the boys started asking questions about what I was reading and I totally didn't know the answers.  "yeah…ummm….how about lets ask your dad when he gets home…."  (Come on, WHO understands Isaiah??!!!)

3.  That one time we were in the car and I took the last sip of water from my water bottle and before I even swallowed it I heard my sweet daughter say, "Mom, I'm firsty!"

At this moment it was like time stood still and I started to inwardly panic.  The water was still in my mouth, and I pictured in my head the tantrum she was sure to have once I told her it was all gone.

It was the end of the day.  I was tired.  I couldn't handle another meltdown.

So…I thought for a second, looked around, and ever so sneakily...spit…it…back…in…the...bottle.  And then I GAVE IT TO HER.  Yes, I really did this.  I really did.  She had no idea, of course, but even as I was doing it I was thinking to myself, "Are you seriously doing this right now?" But you know what…I am honestly not even ashamed.  I avoided a toddler freakout and that deserves a medal.  Hey, maybe this is even a #momsuccess

4.  That one time I asked the boys to go upstairs and change out of their pajamas into play clothes.  And then they returned NOT wearing play clothes at all, but rather just different pairs of pajamas.  (What the heck?!)

Now, a respectable mother would have made them go back upstairs again and put real play clothes on.  

But nope.  I gave them a nice, "alright whatever" and they wore their jammies all day long.  (And so did I.)

5.  That one time I showered for the first time in probably 5 days (don't judge...still getting used to 4 kids, people) and I lied down next to Sam and he said, "Wait, did you shower mom?"

Thinking he felt my damp hair I replied proudly, "Yes I did honey!  Can you feel my wet hair?"

He then sniffs me a few times and says suspiciously, "No… it's just that something smells different.  Something smells…..clean."

I try.  I really, really try.